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Your Letters
Reading
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Peer group pressure is an enormous influence not just in school but throughout or lives. The unspoken rule of many communities is that “your either for us or against us”. If you have ever pretended to be enjoying yourself more than you are, if you’ve remained silent or smiled ruefully when people have been unpleasant, or if you’ve eaten a cake or drunk a drink you didn’t really want, then you're normal. How many of us have the strength to truly stand alone? And yet colluding with negative behaviour will make us feel negative too.
The millions and millions of self help books that are sold every year is evidence of the number of people who want to get out of their rut, but how many transform their lives? Not many. Clearly when it comes to personal transformation, knowledge and desire are not enough. Self help alone cannot give people the courage to stand out from the crowd, to define their disapproval of society simply by trying to live another way. People who want to change need support, they need an alternative community and a new peer group where positive thinking is the norm.
In my quest for self improvement I have had discussions with lots of other people who have expressed an interest in self improvement. Many of these intelligent people have read and agreed with the content of various self help books. They realise that whilst working to improve yourself may be difficult, staying the same can be even harder. Sadly though, many of these people have so far failed to make a significant improvement in their lives or impact on their own happiness.
For many years I have wondered why I made such a massive positive impact on my life where other equally intelligent people who understand positive thinking concepts just as well as me are still struggling. I have developed a theory that it might be to do with the animal need to belong to the tribe. The need to fit in overwhelms any desire we have to improve. If ancient man was turned away from his tribe he would almost certainly perish. I think we retain a subconscious animal need to capitulate to the community way of life. Perhaps this is why we tend to reflect back at people what they are saying to us (whether we agree or not) and tend to live lifestyles similar to those we associate with. It is not changing that is so hard but becoming different from our peers. If you choose to become more positive and family orientated it is likely that your old friends will view you differently, perhaps even feel threatened by you.
I was really lucky because my personal growth coincided with a new relationship. Since my partner and I chose to grow and become happier together, we have created our own small community. But I still feel out on a limb and lonely sometimes. And I do come under fire from people who view me as a freak or selfish.
I do feel uncomfortable in social situations outside my immediate family. I have a few close friends with whom I have intimate and honest relationships with but far too often I find myself engaged in conversations where I am being dishonest. Sympathising with people who have "awful kids", without asking them why they think that might be. Or admiring possessions like cars, that I find tedious. Maybe as I grow I will find the courage to be more honest, but will that make me socially unacceptable? It is a tricky issue. I think truth is one of humanity's greatest challanges. As societies become more pretentious and less real, honesty and social integration may even become mutually incompatable. One characteristic of autistic behaviour is the inability to lie, but these people are seen as having poor social skills (see manners).
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"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
"He is not an honest man who has burned his tongue and does not tell the company that the soup is hot." Yugoslav Proverb
"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." Anon
"Minds are like parachutes they only function when they are open." Lord Thomas Robert Dewar (1864 - 1930)
"Why not go out on a limb; isn't that where the fruit is?" (Great quote, can't remember where I read it!)
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