|
Your Letters
Reading
|
Humans are the only mammal species that sleeps away from its babies. Can you imagine a cat mother sleeping away from her new born kittens instead of keeping them with her for the night. The idea is absurd, but that is what most human mothers do with their newborns! As Desmond Morris says, a baby would prefer it's mothers side to the most extravagent of nurseries.
There are studies to show that babies are healthier and sleep better when they are in the same bed as their mother. Before birth, babies have become used to and are relaxed by the rhythms of mother's heart beat and breathing, and by her warmth. Mothers sleep better too as they don't have to get out of bed to feed their babies in the night. The babies also fall back to sleep quicker, snug in a warm bed.
Midwives may warn you that children in beds may become tyrannical but that has not been my experience at all. I think tyrannical parents have tyrannical kids and loving parents have loving kids. If a parent takes a child into bed with them in a defeated way because they can't bear the crying and they think the child has won (their affection?) there may be negative consequences. This will be because of the way the parent is relating to the child though, and not because of the family bed (see No, NO,... oh OK then!).
The night after Joel was born Cliff and I decided that the cot wasn't working and, "making a rod for our own back", we decided to take him into our bed. Not content with that foolishness we decided to open the invitation up to Ceili and Holly. At the time Holly wasn't sleeping well and we were mindful not to create jealousy towards the new baby. So the legs came off the bed, we imported another double mattress and we all piled in for the next 5 years.
It was fun, Holly's sleeping problems ceased, Joel and Max (when he came along) both slept brilliantly next to their sisters and the bed doubled as a trampoline during the day!
Ceili left when she was eleven and Holly shortly afterwards. Joel and Max stayed there for another couple of years, whilst occassionally sleeping in their own beds. Finally, when we started fostering we were forced to give up the family bed because of safe care issues.
I felt it was a worthwhile sacrifice but I also felt a little rueful. The boys are always thrilled to be allowed to sleep in our bed and Cliff and I enjoy it too (as long as they don't flap the covers too much). Since writing this website we have put the mattresses back on the floor and reinstated the family bed. I feel pleased that my sons are still babyish enough to appreciate this kindness.
When Ceili recently separated from her boyfriend she cuddled up to me for the night. We discussed that she would miss the physical contact from the relationship most of all. If you as parents can provide your children's needs for physical contact they will not need to put up with unsuitable relationships in order to get it. Gently brushing hair, massages and foot rubs are other ways to "cuddle" your kids.
But what about sex?, I hear you say. Well, me and Cliff have a great sex life, its just takes a bit of imagination. Firstly lovemaking need not be restricted to the bedroom, and can be more fun if it isn't. Secondly there are plenty of opportunities for slap and tickle in the morning after the kids have rushed off to play (or been told to clear out!!) Sex in the morning is often better than when your tired after a long day. And also love making in whispers so as not to disturb the weans can also create a delightful frission of it's own.
I never expect to become infirm as I get older but I realise I may become a bit wrinkly and scrawny. I believe my children will always want to cuddle me because I've always wanted to cuddle them. I don't just mean a cursory hug and an air kiss on meeting which is what most grandparents get. I'll be allowed in the family bed with my kids; they've told me so! I look forward to it!
|
"Kindness is more important that wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom." Theodore Rubin
"Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant with the weak and the wrong.
Sometime in life you will be all of these." Bob Goddard
"It's easy to halve the potato where there's love." Irish Proverb
"Go the extra mile. It's never crowded." Anon
"Familiarity, truly cultivated, can breed love." Joyce Brothers
"Where there is great love, there are always miracles." Willa Cather
"A baby is born with a need to be loved and never outgrows it." Frank Clark
"We can do no great things, only small things with great love." Mother Teresa
|