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Reading
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I would love to hear from you if you have any comments about the content of this site, or if you have any other ideas which can help to make a Happy Family. I would like to put interesting correspondence on this page ( see below ). Please state if you do not want your mail to be published.
Please say if you would like to be included on the Contact List; please let me know the name of your nearest big town and country ( if outside the U.K. ).
I have some experience of public speaking and have been highly acclaimed! Please contact me if you are interested in booking me for an engagement ( see Talks and Courses ).
E-mail me at: sheila@happyfamily.org.uk ( Outlook Express )
Your Letters
Here follows excerpts from some of your most recent letters:
"You are sooo right. Those kids do need a good wrestling. Just a couple of days ago my 21 month old boy kept on pushing and pulling at his brother. I kept on chastising him until it escalated into me putting him into another room for a minute but everytime he came back to his brother (who is 4), he did it again. At first I thought that he was trying to be defiant of me but it is so unlike him to be like that, that I thought that he must be trying to tell me something. So I said to him, are you telling me that you want to be able to play a bit rough with your brother like that? And do you know I'd hit the nail on the head and that is exactly what he was trying to tell me. So I said to him, well that's OK as long as your brother doesn't mind and you don't hurt one another, it's ok to play rough. And he was fine after that. I'm starting to listen and learn from my children in a way that I never thought possible and it is amazing just how sussed they are about life because they havn't had time to develop all the brainwashing that we as adults have."
(Debbie, Manchester, May 2005)
"We are all still in our pyjamas and I was about to try to persuade my son (7) to do some reading or maths in a structured session, which he hates. Now we are going for a walk on the beach! We may talk about the tides and the moon, or we may not. I am not worried! I suppose we had better get dressed first or we might get arrested."
(Debbie, Somerset, May 2005)
"Not sure if you remember me or not, but I came to an evening you had in Te Puke a few years ago. I thoroughly enjoyed the evening and have fond memories of my chat with you afterwards. Just wanted to say that I loved your website, have definitely bookmarked it and was wanted permission to broadcast it more widely here in NZ.
I definitely feel way more energised after reading the bits I did, and when I have a few more spare moments (I'm even going to create some specifically, lol!) I'm going to re-visit it time and time again to remind myself how cool life with four fabulous children is!"
(Debbie, New Zealand, May 2005)
"Hi Just gone through some of your website - how fantstic. Feels happy and alive, full of energy. Congratulations."
(Sam, May 2005)
"Having known and seen your family evolve over the past 16 years [even though seperated geographically for some of that time]makes it's messages and words all the more poignant.
Why? Because you are living proof that it works.When I first came to know you large chunks of your life were shrouded in sadness,it not being uncommon to find you crying.However since then, you have moved far away from that place-and radiate a glow of happiness and contentment that weaves it's way through your entire family. You lead by example and show corourage and committment to do things differently if it leads to a richer happier outcome. You're an inspiration."
(Barbara, New Zealand, May 2005)
"Just a quick note to say WOW! Awesome stuff. I have only read a little and am really impressed. I aspire to doing what you do! I am mother of a two and a half year old and am 1 week away from full term with No. 2. I have been parenting naturally as much as possible; upon reading the articles on your site I am feeling reaffirmed in my beliefs and practices."
(Libby, New Zealand, April 2005)
"i feel as if i know you now.....i've just spent the last hour or so reading your site from start to finish, a very enjoyable hour actually, thanks! i was fascinated to read about your family's life and growth, and feel very inspired. i home educated my daughter for a year, but found it very demanding due to a percieved character clash between us. actually i realise that she is simply mirroring my behavior and it is i who needs to change. she is now at school, but i hope that one day we will try again....you have given me fresh hope and belief that i can and will master my own behavior in order to improve hers! thanks for the honesty and love,"
(Claire, Oxfordshire, April 2005)
"...Gripping stuff which comes just at the right time for me.We have two boys aged nearly 7 and 5 and I am battling with myself about how much "education" to insist on. The 7 year old says he hates reading so on the whole I think I shall stop trying to make him do it. I haven't even started with the 5 year old.
I have sent the link to my husband in the hope that he will make time to read it. He has doubts about what I am trying to do and you cover so many aspects in such an articulate and down to earth way that I am hoping he will understand better how this could work. I have a visit form the Educational Welfare Officer pending and I have been a little worried about what I am going to show her. After reading your website I have decided to stand up for my principles and not worry. I know I am entitled to take things slowly on the education front and they are having a whale of a time just playing and being friends.I am sure you will be inundated with e-mails. I really just wanted to say thanks, and let you know that you have given me courage."
(Debbie, Somerset, April 2005)
"I just wanted to thank you for your e-mail. It's been very, very inspiring! We're part of the TCC forum, which is a wonderful virtual tribe. But most members are parents from young children and even though we all strongly believe in the continuum, we just need a little bit of support from people like you... you've done it all and now you see the 'outcome'.
Every time I had some spare minutes I've been visiting your website over the last few days and I always return to my 'real' world with new energy. You've made it click in my head that the biggest thing of all is having fun and be happy. I realise all of a sudden that we had become too serious with TCC (and also because our life is quite full on at the moment); we might get everything right in theory, but in the meantime we forget to laugh and have fun with the kids sometimes! My husband has been reading your website too and feels exactly the same. And today I already noticed a difference in our attitude and so did the kids I think! Your website has been saved in our 'favourites' and I hope to have the wisdom to re-read it every now and then."
(Irma, New Zealand, 2005)
"Your web site thoughts mirrored a lot of mine and gave me much to dwell on.I have been reading a fair bit re. 'alternative' methods of lifestyle, childcare and education and find myself increasingly questioning the norm. I still breastfeed and sleep with our 2.5 yr old (much disbelief from many) and would relish having our 7 yr old at home all the time - packing him off to our local primary has never felt right. My reading has given credence to my inner beliefs on how I feel in my heart we should be living and the easy, private changes I am very confident to live by. However, I have actually made a conscious effort to stop reading and researching alternative education (no schooling) because I don't have the confidence to make the leap away and it causes me to much anxiety to learn about the hows and whys. Our son is happy at his little school and, for now, I'm not going to rock the boat.
I admire you for stepping away from the crowds and wish you all much happiness."
(Jan, Stirling, April 2005)
"I love your website , it has warmed me to the tips of my toes . Great reading list too ! I'm off now to go through the section on releasing resistance to change in You Can Heal Your Life (probably followed by falling asleep on the sofa !)"
(Alison, London, April 2005)
"I am trying so hard to be a happy person (ex dope smoker, heavy drinker,etc) who became a mum at 39 and wants to enjoy every minute of it - but why is it so blummin' hard? Raising my child to set standards, not follow them."
(Jacky, Wigan, April 2005)
"I have got a fair way through your articles (I have just reached 'Chores') and suddenly find myself close to tears at the compulsion I feel to face up to it and get on with it, and live right. I suppose I have a lot of growing to do, and of course it's painful, as you well know. I looked first at your reading list and saw all my own check list on there (Liedloff first and foremost, then Holt, Berne, M. Scott Peck etc ) and was of course instantly intrigued.
I feel you are very similar to us in many ways, only further along the road. My boys are almost 3 and almost 1 - and I suppose I've been doing 3/4 of it right (with plenty of mistakes and failures within that 3./4, naturally). But school is up ahead and the task of homeschooling - and by that I mean the task of being/ becoming the sort of person I need to become in order to do it seems breathtaking. However, life is a journey, and I have faith (I haven't read your chapter on this yet - but am highly curious). I am really writing to say thank you for your website, and I shall now read on.
Congratulations on your immense courage."
(Rolanda, Essex, April 2005)
"Its certainly been hard to try and fit continuum concept theory into our little nuclear family. Also being so different from just about everyone I meet has made it pretty lonely! It helps a lot to know that there are other people out there who dare to be different."
(Lizelle, Kent, April 2005)
"...I've had a brief look at your website. It's great! Have to admit that if I didn't know you and stumbled upon it by accident, I'd have thought 'who is this ghastly smug person?' but because it's you and because I know you are not ghastly or smug, I decided to bear with it instead of dismissing it as I normally might. A lesson here for me about not being too hasty to dismiss things, of course! I was ready to disagree about the anger bit but luckily you redeemed yourself by saying that anger isn't invalid altogether and can be useful if channelled properly. I know so many people, especially women, who are terrified of anger and dismiss it as evil and bad, when actually it's a real and useful emotion.
I could go on at length about various topics, especially education, how much bollocks is talked by teachers and govt. etc. Maybe it would be more sensible for me to wait until I've had a thorough look at the website and send a response separately from this. It'll be nearly all in agreement with you, I think! There are a few spelling and grammatical mistakes which would normally be fine but it's maybe in your interest to get everything conventionally 'correct' so any critics of your home schooling would not be able to say things like "well, if that's what home schooling does..." I know you won't be offended by this as it's meant lovingly."
(Kate, Warwickshire, March 2005)
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"I've always wanted to be somebody but I see now I should have been more specific." Lily Tomlin
"I speak the truth, not so much as I would but so much as I dare; and I dare a little the more, as I grow older." Montaigne
"To live for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top." Robert M Pirsig
"When one is out of touch with oneself, one cannot touch others." Anne Lindbergh
"In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person." Wilbert Gough
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