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I think anger is a valuable emotion but it should only be used appropriately and in situations of real need. For instance anger can help you fight off an attacker or leave an abusive partner, but it is not appropriate to get angry because the washing up has not been done! For many people anger is a normal way of dealing with difficulty and yet it can be so destructive. It may be that you have a residue of fearful anger that only needs a small prod to spurt out like steam from a pressure cooker. If so it is important to find healthy ways of releasing yourself from it's grip. I used inner child work, screaming and pillow bashing to work through my anger and would recommend it to anyone.
As Aristotle (384-322 BC) once said;
"Anybody can become angry. That is not
difficult; but to be angry with the right person
and to the right degree and at the right time,
and for the right purpose and in the right way:
that is not within everybodys capability and it is not easy."
If you are an habitually angry person (probably an adopted attitude) it will sabotage your efforts to be popular with your family and you will find it very hard to maintain intimate and loving relationships.
In my own experience anger really is the cartoon devil sitting on my shoulder. Years ago when I was trying yet again to give up smoking dope (I was dependent for 15 years) I had a total hissy fit because my 9 year old daughter accidentally knocked a colander of peelings to the floor. In my state of high passion I felt totally vindicated in rushing off to get a smoke to calm me down. It was all Holly’s fault. Thankfully I was having counceling at the time and was able to see how well my anger had served my addiction, with no regard for others at all. I made a commitment to gave up unnecessary anger and smoking; My life and my family's life has now improved beyond belief.
I’m not saying that anger is always a con job but very often, in my experience, angry people obtain some kind of gratification for their anger. People who are in the habit of getting angry tend to be out of control and although they may gain some kind of immediate gratification from their anger outbursts (righteous indignation, space, justification for maintaining bad habits, retail therapy, kiss and make up!) in the longer term temper tantrums do nothing to alleviate underlying problems. They only serve to create poor role models and alienate you from your family.
Generally issues that frustrate you are better addressed quietly and with resolve. Preferably whilst holding hands in family meetings!!? Anger and bitter criticism are poor tools for implementing change. In fact I don't think they work at all.
There are of course still times when anger is an appropriate tool, mainly for summoning the energy and courage to deal with really difficult conflict situations, but in order to be effective it must be controlled anger, not a frothing eruption.
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"If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size" Sydney Harris
"Revenge is often like biting a dog because a dog bit you." Austin O'Malley (1858 -1932)
"Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind." Robert Ingersoll
"Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt bitterness, grief and most of all fear." Joan Rivers
"My life is in the hands of any fool who makes me lose my temper." Joseph Hunter
"A fight starts only with the second blow!" Hugh Allen
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." Ambroise Bierce
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