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Your Letters
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Cliff, my soul mate and partner for 14 years is wonderful, a delightful combination of energy and patience with a wicked sense of humour.
He and I are both deeply commited to being nice to each other. We met via a personal ad when Ceili was 5 and Holly 3, and I respect Cliff so much for being such a wonderful father to all my children.
Max, Holly, Joel, Ceili and Cliff.
Ceili our eldest is 19. She has just gained a distinction in N.D. Media and is off in London gaining work experience in the West End (she wants to be a stage manager). She is amazing, so brave and determined and strong. When she was 16 she bused around N.Z. on her own for a month. And she laughs like a hyena at all our worst jokes as well as forcing us to listen to hers!
Holly 17 has just started college doing performing arts and she is a real lovey, and a brilliant mimic and comedian! She is a fantastic cook and artist. And she has retained the energy and ability to play with her younger brothers for which I envy her! Holly and Ceili both have lovely boyfriends and our annual holiday this year included both boyfriends with the 8 of us split between a caravan and a tent!
Joel 10 is the splitting image looks wise of his dad (who he likes to call "Sir" as a joke!). When he recently started on the breadmaking rota he was so enthused that he invented rolls stuffed with cheese and salad. He has an amazing imagination, loves to play and has built (using his dad's power tools) an enormous arsenal of wooden guns!
Max 8, is nicknamed Max-a-million Smiles. He is a mischievious, cheeky, delightful little boy who loves cuddles. Joel is his best friend and both of them will get immersed in a fantastic imaginary adventure game for hours. He is the most compassionate child I've ever known; when I squashed a wasp that had stung him he was mortified.
Finally Me - From a drug crazed teenager who formed abusive relationships I have worked to recreate myself into someone easier to live with. Although far from perfect I have achieved a peace and contentment that I could not have imagined in my youth. Not only is the pursuit of happiness a worthy goal but also for me a facinating one. I spend a great deal of time thinking and reading about why I am the way I am! (and what to do about it!). I am also fun and jolly, love water fights, pranks and laughter!
Having read the who's who I am sure that all of you will have found something to criticise; such is human nature. If I read it, no doubt I would be tearing it to shreds. The implication is that I allow my 17 year old daughter to sleep with her boyfriend, and encourage my 10 year old child to make "weapons"! (Well yes, actually!).
I ask that you forgive me my imperfections and read on to see if any of my thinking or choices make sense to you.
In working to attain happiness I have primarily focused on my children's happiness. This is for a number of reasons
1. I find it deeply fullfilling
2. Unhappy children are a pain and it is difficult to be happy when you are living with a pain! Seriously, parenting anxious children is far harder work than parenting happy ones.
3. We will know our offspring as adults far longer than we will care for them as children. All those jokes our children tell us that go; "Be nice to me because I will choose your old peoples home!" are true! I try to treat my children as nicely as I want them to treat me! And after all, since we are going to all the trouble of raising these young people surely it makes sense to create solid, forever friendships.
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"The more the heart is nourished with happiness, the more it is insatiable!" Gabrielle Roy
"Happiness I have discovered is nearly always a rebound from hard work." David Grayson
"What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail." Robert Schuller
"People far prefer happiness to wisdom, but that is like wanting to be immortal without getting older." Sydney J Harris
"There is nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child."
Frank Clark
"Marriage should be like a duet - when one sings, the other claps." Joe Murray
"The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults." Peter De Vries
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