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Discipline and consequences are really only sticking plaster or emergency first aid. Children never fail to imitate their role models, so if you squabble expect your children to squabble.
Please read discipline first.
What is good about a discipline regime is that it disciplines you as a parent, and if you are able to manage it consistantly it works so effectively that it is an excellent starting block for beginning to correct your own behaviour.
Here is an example of how we would correct undesirable behaviour.
In this imaginary example a 6 year old child has been hitting her little sister:
Choose a time when your child has not hit their little sister. Both parents ask if you can have a little chat with the children (a
family meeting ). Tell them in a friendly way that you have decided that hitting sisters is unacceptable behaviour. Ask them if they can think of a reason why this might be happening and suggest some reasons of your own, e.g. not getting enough attention from you or jealousy. Say that you are going to make a big effort to sort out any problems that have been raised. Tell them that in future you want them to tell you if they are feeling neglected or sad, and that you will try to sort it out. Now tell them that you have decided that one of the best ways to help them remember to talk to you about problems rather than becoming frustrated and angry is to give either of the children a consequence if they hit the other. Explain what a consequence is and ask if they have any ideas about what that consequence could be. Agree to a small punishment and then, and most importantly, stick to it.
Discuss the possibility that the little sister may be teasing the older child and enjoying the attention she gets after she's been hit. If the little sister is inflaming the situation it will be reasonable to discuss a suitable punishment for her undesirable behaviour as well. It is important to make clear that you will be monitoring the situation very carefully. Also make it clear that you realise that this is not a naughty child / good child situation at all. Only one small aspect of the older child's behaviour is unacceptable and the child remains totally loved by their parents.
Remember until this problem is under control it is probably not a good idea to try and implement a punishment regime for any other difficult behaviour.
Joel and Max very rarely need to be punished any more, they are not rebellious and most problems are resolved via discussion.
Ceili and Holly no longer have to be punished as they are adult members of the household and negotiate with Cliff and I on equal terms. It is very unusual for them not to comply to a reasonable request and if they do defer it will be for a reason (like having homework to do). Likewise it is very unusual for us not to do what they have asked us to do if it is a reasonable request.
When children are young punishments serve two purposes,
1) they halt undesirable behaviour,
2) they prevent parents from becoming aggravated with their children.
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"Wisdom consists of the anticipation of consequences."
Norman Cousins
"Discipline is remembering what you want." David Campbell
"Kids are always the only future the human race has." William Saroyan
"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog." Dwight Eisenhower
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