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Your Letters
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Do you want to raise the sort of child who orders you about, presents you with frustrating fait accompli, and ultimately condemns you to a nursing home "for your own good!"?
If you don't then I suggest you take time to think about the way you deal with your children. Ordering toddlers to say please and thank you (manners) is only one in a whole list of behaviour modification programmes we embark on for our childrens "own good".
Sending them to swimming classes, or rugby or ballet etc., despite protestations and misery are other examples. And if you can't hear your children's complaints or don't try to alleviate their problems, then don't expect them to have any sympathy with yours. Part of the role of a parent is to be in charge of your children, but that doesn't mean it has to be a dictatorship. Power should be used sparingly and only after careful consideration.
When I was foster caring a particular child, the social worker who dealt with me was very uptight and defensive. I had been critical of the mother company (a heinous crime, I'm sure you understand) and if I dared to voice any disquiet whatsoever she would fix me with a beady eye and with an immense amount of threat utter the simple words "I am concerned about your attitude!". This was a valuable lesson to me. Since this woman had the power to remove my foster child from me I felt I had no choice but to shut up. I asked myself what I had done to deserve such treatment, and had the startling realisation that I played a similar trick on my teenage daughters. If they were annoying me occasionally I would threaten to stop giving them lifts in the car - end of story. Feeling bullied by the social worker helped me learn to deal with my own children more fairly.
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"The best way to make children is to make them happy."
Oscar Wilde 1856 - 1900
"The better we feel about ourselves the fewer times we have to knock somebody down to feel tall" Odetta
"Lucky parents who have fine children, usually have lucky children who have fine parents!" James A Brewer
"Children are more in need of models than of critics." Joseph Jonbert (1754 - 1824)
"If you want your children to improve let them overhear the nice things you say about them." Hiam Jinott
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